Most of us struggle with being confident , do you agree ? I think our society has placed importance on so many things that are external (looks, size, how much money you make…) rather than who you are as a person, so it makes it very hard to be content these days. If your focusing on someone’s else’s life & what they have instead of living your own life & making the best of what you have you will always be lacking. Contentment doesn’t mean you don’t strive to better yourself it means that you are content where you are today & are ready for what is to come. I highly believe in doing the work inside yourself first, so the outside reflects. J Cole ( the rapper) has said before ; ” I feel like if you don’t master the inside first, the outside is a waste of time”. Its been a year since I have started this journey of bettering myself & loving who I am; gaining my confidence back, seeing all my good qualities & gifts as a person without having someone validate that & its been so empowering.✨💪🏼
Don’t wait on someone else to cheer you on, clap for yourself!👏🏽 We always want someone to validate us thinking that will make us feel complete or “better” (yes its nice to have people on your side) but do it for yourself first & always. The rest will come when it comes, but never stop believing in yourself.
Affirm yourself; Everyday wake up & tell yourself something you like about yourself or something your proud of that you accomplished. If you can write it down maybe make a list and go back to it ( example: I am funny, I am smart, I am brave …etc)
Stay true to yourself 🖤 Its okay to get ideas or be inspired by others, but don’t forget who you are. Don’t try to fit into a mold that just doesn’t work for you. You are unique & there is only 1 of you so use that to your advantage and don’t let society make you feel some type of way.
Help someone else; Be there for someone else, use your experiences or life lessons to help someone feel less alone or help them navigate through a difficult time. Sometimes when we focus on helping someone else it makes us connect more, it helps us to feel healthier & happier.
Practice gratitude 🙏🏽 Be happy in whatever season your in. If it’s an uncomfortable one try to learn something from it & think of it as a stepping stone instead of looking at it negatively. Some seasons or days are harder than others, so I know it can be hard when maybe financially your not doing well, or your lonely or you feel unmotivated, but those are the times when you need to try your hardest to pick yourself up and say I am grateful for (fill in the blank). Start naming things off even if its people in your life ( kids, mom, dad, best friend, etc..) or make a list of things your grateful on paper or on your phone that way you can go back to it & add more things as time goes on. Trust me when you start doing that you will be surprised at that list!
Thanks for reading! I hope these five tips can help someone build their confidence up & remember to be proud of who they are & love themselves inside & out. If you have any other tips feel free to share them below. 😀
This post is going to be a bit deeper than my other’s. I am not an expert but I wanted to come & share a bit of what I think the stages and feelings of betrayal are speaking from experience. I won’t go into it in too much detail out of respect for my son’s & I do agree we need to share our stories but also tread lightly as you don’t want to bash the other person even if they caused the harm or did the damage. When you share children and are still legally married and had a life together at some point it can be a bit touchy. It has taken me some time to go through all the stages, I am doing so much better thank God, he deserves the credit + all the self care/love that I’ve done. Don’t get discouraged if this has happened to you recently… healing is NOT an overnight process, and I am still doing the work. If it’s possible for me to help someone else that is going through or will go through betrayal I would hope this post is helpful & beneficial. 🤍 Remember your never alone and there are so many outlets that you can use.
SHOCK – This is one is the first feelings/ emotions… some of us are taken completely by surprise. Other’s may have had a gut feeling something was off but you still didn’t have the proof. Deep down your hoping it isn’t true, but what I can say is from experience trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right then most likely it isn’t (unfortunately) but look into it or talk to your partner depending on your relationship you will know how to bring it up. Always remember the truth always comes out… like that one quote says “What’s done in the darkness always comes to light”. Your even more so in shock when you have given your heart, trust and loyalty to someone & your thinking what is going on & what happened?
ANGER– This comes shortly after if not along with shock. One thing about anger is it can really keep you stuck & it can make you bitter. I would say make sure your handling this part with caution & with wisdom. It can make you feel like your going crazy but your not! Trust me it is completely normal to feel very angry. Anger is a healthy normal emotion, but just don’t let it get the best of you or get in the way of you living your life & your healing process.
HURT– So the pain that comes with betrayal is so agonizing & to be honest its hard to explain. I think its one of those pain’s that can only be understood once you go through it, I definitely wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It can really knock you down if you let it. Remember to let those emotions out in a healthy way, if you need to cry, do it. For me it’s strange because I am an emotional person, but I don’t like to let people see me cry. I think my kids have seen me cry probably less than 5 times and they are 16 and 9.. crazy right!? Recently a good friend of mine said you need to let it out and cry it out sometimes, but just keep moving forward. I really appreciated that advice because sometimes we think crying=weakness but it’s the opposite actually. In the bible it says Jesus wept.. so what does that tell you? Even the most high “wept” so you can too.
EMBARRASSED/SHAME– This emotion can also be very difficult to endure since you start feeling ashamed or even insecure. What are people going to think? Was it me? What I want to put out there is it’s never your fault when someone betrays you! In my opinion you cannot control someone else’s action’s or behaviors, I believe it has to do 100% with someone’s character & morals. If you have given 100% + more to someone & just because you argue or don’t see eye to eye (as all couples do… no relationship is perfect and no two people are perfect) that doesn’t ever make it ok to betray them. Remind yourself of all your qualities write them down & read them out loud & remember who you are. ✨
A normal healthy minded person will not understand the concept of hurting someone they love no matter what they get out of it, remember LOVE is a moral act. It is very hard to hear this, but cheating is never an accident it is a choice. As humans we can be selfish of course, YES mistakes can happen… but a pattern & a mistake are two different things in my opinion, so make sure you aware of that. Some people are really truly sorry & want to do right and actually put in the work to make the appropriate changes to show you they won’t repeat the cycle. Not just for a little bit to get you back, but real long term growth. Actions speak louder than words period. Other times they are just sorry they got caught & they come back due to ego. They don’t want you to find better or move forward because they know you can & eventually will…especially if you have been honest, faithful & loving to that person. Who would want to lose someone like that, right?
I know so many women who say I will never forgive or go back to someone who cheated, but you really don’t know how it will play out unless it has happened to you. To be honest I really think it has to do with the person (who he/she is deep down inside) who cheated and your relationship as a whole to see if you can forgive and move forward, especially if you are married. I’ve seen certain marriages come back from infidelity, but there has to be a lot of work put into the marriage. I never say just leave a marriage, but God wouldn’t want you to be hurt by someone over and over & in a toxic situation. That is why God wants us all to be healthy and whole before we find someone to share our lives with so that we are in healthy loving marriage’s.
Don’t ever think if you leave someone its the end , its just the beginning! Not everyone is the same, their are good people out there. Focus on yourself, heal, grow and last but not least GLOW! God has your back & when the time is right and your ready & healed before you know it someone special who see’s the amazing woman or man, lol you are will be right in front of you. 🤗👑
Thanks for reading & visiting my blog 🤍 Comment below what helped you get through a betrayal if you have gone through it.
Also I wanted to share this devotional/book I bought & it has helped me a lot ;
When we think of the phrase “Seasons of life” we may think of the word CHANGES which maybe either a positive or negative word for some depending on where you are in your life. It is very important to remember that without change we cannot grow! We all have a sense of fear when life doesn’t go the way we planned it. This is especially true if your a more structured person who loves to have everything planned out. As one of these people ( lol ) who loves a schedule and doesn’t really love change, I have come to realize this is possibly the most uncomfortable time but the best space to grow, set more goals, push through & come out stronger. Every time you look back on your life and see what you have gone through and overcame you start to feel a sense of strength with is very powerful. As a woman we should feel powerful no matter our circumstance whether we are married or single with or without kids pretty much in any situation. When we push through every obstacle you definitely start to have a little more faith in yourself and in your future. On the flip side it can sound or be a little depressing if your saying “my season is the worst , I’ve been struggling you don’t understand” it might feel as though there isn’t anything positive to look forward to, but it is best to remember that every situation is temporary and if you embrace the good parts even if they look small and far fetched. Once you start to focus on those and change your perspective you will start see things differently. I especially feel if your kids ( if your a mom ) see you doing this they will too know that whatever life throws at them they can overcome it, and they will be okay and that is an important lesson for them to learn. Sometimes we keep things bottled up because we are embarrassed of what we are going through but if you maybe reach out to friends , family, even co workers you never know what someone may be going through and you may end up helping each other! I read this quote a while back…
” Never be embarrassed to struggle there is absolutely no shame in working hard to get where you want to be. God turns brokenness into BEAUTY” and it is so very true! If you stay in fear , embarrassed , and depressed you will never be able to achieve your goals because you will stay stuck in that broken mentality. Take some YOU time no matter how busy you are. Find a hobby, exercise, take care and love yourself so that you are prepared to deal with whatever comes 🙂
As a woman and mother it is important to recharge your mind , body and soul. Stay faithful , stay in prayer and remember your good enough to smash your goals big or small and come out of any situation better than you were before. GOD wants to bless you ! Please feel free to comment if you have any tips or helpful outlets that you have used that would help other readers who may be struggling.
Some ideas for self care :
A quick bath with some bath bombs, some music or even a book
Buying a coffee or tea & taking a quick shopping trip to your favorite store you don’t need to spend hundreds unless you can 😉